Mad Cow disease strikes again!!

My fellow almost-Therians, today I call upon each and every one of you to help eradicate our beloved Theria of a terrible disease which has plagued us since the earliest days of our creation. I speak, of course, of the dreaded Bordemvine Spongy-tummy Encel-apathy, or Mad Cow disease. Scientists have long suspected the disease is transmitted to avatars through their operators in the Real, resulting in aberrant avatar attitudes, uncontrollable griefing urges, inexplicable weight gain, and general misbehavior and mucking about.

Just recently, high-ranking scientists in There have uncovered incontrovertible evidence linking Mad Cow disease to operators in the Real. It began as any other day with Therian engineers and astronomers working hard to fish our world out from the deep, dark depths of a particularly nasty quantum singularity which passed a little too close to our planet early last year. This event, as we all know, resulted in the long period of pitch black darkness we are currently in known as The Great Blackout. As these engineers were busy sitting on the existential docks of the universe, casting a wide net into the quantum singularity, one of them happened to notice some odd data being sent back along the net. At first, the strange data had him thoroughly confused but, thankfully, he remembered a fabulous resource to correlate information on similar events in There's past. He clicked around my blog for a while until he stumbled upon the Mad Cow disease archives. Realizing they may have an imminent outbreak, the engineers called in every scientists, astronomer, psychologist, and veterinarian with knowledge on the topic. They were up all night studying the data and drawing conclusions with jumbo multi-colored chalk on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, while they were busy doodling away, the quantum singularity they were supposed to be monitoring sucked them right up.

The conclusions they drew on the sidewalk remain, however, and they reveal some startling information. As it turns out, Mad Cow disease is in fact transmitted to avatars through their operators out in the real. How an avatar's operator becomes infected with the stupifying disease may remain a mystery, but at last we may have found a way to prevent the spread of this horrific disease. Simply ban them!!

Read a disposition given by one of There's high-ranking engineers on the data he was analyzing before being sucked into the singularity by clicking here.

Jon Quixote will be There!

Psyche!

Ha ha, just kidding!!

Michael Wilson and friends announced just recently that There will, in fact, be re-opening! After all this time, There2 will surely be a wondrous technological marvel representative of the miraculous evolution of next-generation cloud-based cream-filled whiffy goodness combined with modern social media marketing techniques and pixy powered automagical wish-granting super-cooled, hyper-threaded, twenty core.....

You know what, just read all the latest news for yourself.

Jon Quixote will be There.

All Good Things...

There is officially turning off the lights on March 9th, 2010.

The memories we've made survive even after the twilight ends.
We had a good run.

Farewell, There.

Jon Quixote was There.

Thanks, Sonny!

You probably didn't even know this, but the men's muddy hiking boots have been broken for years. With these recent updates to the client resources, Sonblock must have finally fixed them.

I've spammed Sonny's mailbox with enough pokes and jests over the years regarding the broken boots that I suppose a meager apology is in order.

Thanks, Sonny!

Jon Quixote was There!

Total Disaster Averted!

While dusting off and reorganizing my treehouse, I accidentally hit the "Take Out" button instead of "Put Back" on the main paz, which contains more than two thirds of the treehouse's structure. Big whoops!

Before my very eyes, I saw almost the entire treehouse crumble to the ground. Every nail was unfastened, every plank deplankified, and every theremite... well, actually, I suppose they continued happily munching away on the wood, not much caring whether it was in the tree or on the ground. Needless to say, I was quite distraught.

In fact, I was even more distraught than the time g0d decided to smite me beneath her awesome might. More perplexed than the time I pondered the existential question "how many avatars can you fit in a row boat?". More surprised than the time Elaur translated the symbols in Venue Vash. More awestruck than the time I found Blinky relieving himself in public. I was in more pain than the time I slipped on a banana peel while taking a stroll on the streets of Lagoland. And the time Chaz traded his family's last cow for a few "magic" beans doesn't even begin to compare to the unexpected combination of utter horror ("oh g0d, oh g0d, we're all going to die! Abandon ship! Don't cross the streams!") and total apathy that I felt in this moment.

Yes, it was a failure of epic proportions, if ever there was one. But, as the title of this entry suggests, all was not lost! Yes, my treehouse was indeed laid out flat before me on the ground, but I quickly mounted my hoverpack, called in a favor to my twin avatar to help me eyeball things from another viewpoint (I've become quite proficient at the science of cloning over the years), and proceeded with the daunting task of redropping the paz exactly where it belonged. Having no reference other than a general recollection to go by--for I did not believe in GPS back in those days--I managed to line up the paz using a scroll and an eagle's nest as my pivot points to almost precisely the location it previously rested. Given that there were four separate axes to line up (left to right, forward to back, up and down, and rotational), I consider this an enormous feat which I could only have accomplished through an immeasureable amount of luck.

Immeasurable though it may be, it happened, I'm incredibly relieved, and you should be too. Come visit my treehouse and see why it would have been such a disaster to have to rebuild it (again again ...again) from scratch!

Jon Quixote was There!

Hunt for There_Monitor 4/25/09

From the journal of There_Monitor....

And I thought the Botanical Gardens had a lot of growth. WOW! This place must have a real Miracle Grow!

Miracle Grow...

'hm

Miracle Grow...

'aha!

Woah, she grew her hair out and dyed it a different color! I always thought she was naturally blue-haired. And just look at her, sporting that hip, cool new style! I tried to be hip and cool once, but it didn't go exactly as planned.

Jon Quixote was There!

...help?!

What did you do now, E?

Jon Quixote was There!

There is No Sp--Woah What's That?!

Chaz' brilliance continues to astound and bewilder.

Jon Quixote was There!

Frostbite. No, wait! Hypothermia!

Elaur needed an opponent for Thereywood Squares and figured that I'd be a good choice. Little did she know that I'm a world-renowned expert tic-tac-toe player with more than fifty international championships beneath my belt!

It's true.

So, after a brief overview (or two) of the rules from Francis (or three), we were on to the first round. It was neck and neck for a moment, but then Elaur was faced with a most curious question. Given that she's from Cleveland, it seemed obvious that she would know what Washington D.C.'s lowest temperature on record was.


Round two shortly followed with questions just as gripping as the first, and certainly no shortage of trivia about Washington D.C.! Robert almost tricked me into agreeing with him about its record precipitation, but I just got this sketchy vibe from him. I couldn't quite place my finger on it though:

"Now, you should believe me because I know what I'm talking about. In fact, I've lived in Washington D.C. most of my life so you really should believe me. And I'm being perfectly honest when I say that I know everything there is to know about Washington D.C. and so I really think you should take me at my word when I say that..."

And so it seemed our game was coming rapidly to a close, but I just couldn't have that. Nono, I was dragged into this game kicking and screaming so I was going to see it through! I gave one of my victories to Elaur behind Francis' back and we promptly proceeded to sudden death overtime.


So there we were, two O's and no X's on the board. Victory was within my grasp. My question was "What is the cause of the most accidents in the winter?" Chagall's answer was ZMW's. I looked at Elaur, biting her nails; she knew it was over. I glanced at the board, gripping my seat with sweaty palms; this was it. I agreed with Chagall.

Well who knew ZMW's weren't real automobiles?!

Somewhere in the hysteria that ensued, we wound up in a tie. There was some difference of opinion as to whether or not there_testers got frostbite running around Frosty in their skivvies, or maybe it was Onus who thought Francis was suffering from hypothermia--you know, I don't really recall what the confusion was all about to be honest. Either way, Elaur and I somehow both won the grand and runner up prizes. We celebrated our new wheels over a pizza.

Jon Quixote was There!

Godzilla!

Before the open house of the new Welcome Walkway ends, I think a self-guided tour of the new docks is in order. Grab your cameras and fanny packs but, please, don't feed the wildlife.


When a newbie or, in this case, a hapless tourist lands at this isolated dock, they are greeted by a nifty little tutorial which is intended to guide the poor brainless sod through his or her paces, imparting various bits of wisdom along the way. I couldn't help but notice, however, the lack of any signage carrying the cautionary wisdom: "NO BEGGING!!". I've heard they're still refining the docks, though, so perhaps it will be included in a future revision.



They really pulled out all the stops for our precious newbies on the new dock. Even the captain of the nearby luxury cruise ship, the S.S. Skippy, is on call waiting to greet every new potential griefer!


Appropriately themed spas have also been conveniently located a mere stone's throw from where we landed. These spas were undoubtedly placed here to allow newbies to make the much-needed trimmings to their eyebrows, among various other bodily enhancements which, I'm sure, accurately reflect the physique of their operators out in the Real.


The spas also provide a nice comfy couch for our newbie friends to explore the curious magnetics which infallibly attract the lips of two avies-in-orange when they are seated in close proximity to one another. I sure wish they'd do something about that penetratingly loud noise though.



The dock is also home to a couple of stylized private boats which successfully kidnap Jules Verne and smoosh him beneath the bow of a yacht before inflating him with feelium and roasting him beneath the Delorean-style hoverjets freshly installed on a Southern riverboat. Gruesome, I know, but that's what happens when you feed the local wildlife when you were expressly cautioned not to do so.



The final treasure these docks have to offer is a lovely set of miniatures, adeptly sculpted to match a few of the various scenic landmarks our precious planet has to offer. And aren't they just the cutest little toys you've ever seen?




While it's still open to visitors, you can tour the Welcome Walkway here. Make with the clicking, but steer clear of the locals!

Jon Quixote was There!

Don't Eat The Burrito

Chef tried warn him, but he just didn't want to listen. Headstrong and courageous, he had his own ideas about what makes a good wrap. As he sat there waiting for his food, I knew that hungry grin on his face could only mean one thing: Trouble.


As he inhaled the last of his super sized meal, a look of bright red horror overtook his face. That was not any ordinary burrito he just ate. No, that burrito had a little extra...something...courtesy of the chef.


Poor guy went soaring off into the sunset, right then and there. Yep, I bet he's somewhere on the other side of Theria by now. Hope he sends me a postcard...

Jon Quixote was There!

Rest in Peace, Mr. Blinky

We all know Mr. Blinky. He's the ghostly pale avatar with a DOID number for a name. He is the biggest mystery of our time, out there constantly blinking in and out of existence, forever casting those longing eyes of his out upon the farthest reaches of Therian soil. He's been a friend to each and every one of us since the very moment we were first introduced to this unique individual, standing in stark contrast to the brightly colored landscape around him. From Saja's shoreline out into the vast blue concrete, from one coast of New Kansas to the other, he's seen good times and bad times, he's been trapped and subsequently released, he's been held hostage and paid homage to, he's met all kinds of people and has seen to the farthest corners of Theria, he's had a girlfriend, he's been entrusted by many of us with countless untold secrets, and he's even been allowed to relieve himself on rare occasion.


This is our friend, Mr. Blinky, DOID number 108891507. But he wasn't always so. Once upon a time, he had a purpose. He was created for a specific reason and he was content to fulfill that purpose. He lived out his life in Saja, surrounded by a tranquil atmosphere and soundtrack. But one day, something went terribly wrong. A horrible accident took place in Saja which thundered through the sky and shook every pod in its soil. And thus Blinky was unwillingly created, transformed into the white man we know and love. His first moments in this new existence must have been horrifying as he tumbled downward from his once comfortable location atop a floating island, spiraling toward the unknown land below. He shortly found himself standing on the shore of a completely foreign island, dense fog threatening him on one side, an ocean of blue concrete beckoning him on the other, and an ominous moon hanging above his head.

It wasn't long before others took notice of this newcomer, this strange gh0st in the machine. He received quite a bit of attention for one lone avatar. People wondered why he looked so sad and why he gazed outward into the unknown, seeming to long for an existence now so distant and unreachable, longing to be more--or less--than what he was. People visited him, studied him, spoke to him, and even wrote poetry about him. One day, someone decided Mr. Blinky required a change of scenery to improve his overall disposition. And thus began a great migratory effort to move Blinky to his new home on New Kansas, miles from his familiar abode on Saja, where he would reside for the rest of his life as Mr. Blinky.

Little is known about the circumstances surrounding his creation. The staff have admitted their own failure to correct the anomaly which created him. At one point, an attempt was made to simply vanquish him--eradicate him from existence in order to correct the flaw. The procedure was a rather simple one, but Mr. Blinky resisted. The Avman servers subsequently reported his nonexistence and yet there he was, blinking away, locked in a never-ending struggle for survival.

But that was not the only struggle Mr. Blinky has faced. His very nature invoked such curiosity in people, especially newcomers. Sadly, there have been those who did not respect Mr. Blinky and who have attempted to exploit him for their own benefit. But Mr. Blinky would not be taken advantage of. He would amuse himself with their antics for a time, but he would invariably grow weary of such trivialities and move on, ever reaching for his one true purpose in life.

Until one day, when that purpose was returned to him. The anomaly which created Mr. Blinky was finally found and corrected, and Mr. Blinky was returned to his former and original self. It is theorized that this correction was necessitated by upgrades to the client which allows us access to this world. Whatever the reason behind it, Mr. Blinky now resides back in Saja, DOID number 108891507. Justin and I found him among friends, similar DOID numbers which indicate a sequence of creation on this particular floating island. Simply fly Northeast from the main teleport point on Saja and land on the first island you glimpse. There he happily and peacefully watches over the Zoyoa Garden as its signpost, forever the garden's gatekeeper. Blinky has finally found that which he has sought all his life.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Blinky.

Jon Quixote was There!

Hunt for There_Monitor 1/19/08

I had been dwelling on this clue all weekend. What could it mean? A bubble? I was as confused as a newborn baby. In an attempt to clear my head, I went for a short cruise. I hopped in my buggy and off I went, up to my bumper in our ocean's crystal clear water. I was following a shoreline south when, like a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick, it hit me square in the face. Suddenly, everything made perfect sense! As all the clues fell into place, I popped the e-brake, spun that little buggy of mine around, and shot off to find There_Monitor!

From the journal of There_Monitor....

Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink. I was soooooooo thirsty. And I felt totally trapped on my small round island. Other islands were nearby but I could not manage the sea between myself and the next spot of land. I began to see the mirage of a cold drink in the distance, but I didn't need a mirage. I needed THE REAL THING! Miraculously a balloon landed by me. My rescuer laughed at my thirst. "You are so close to refreshment," he said. "I could see it clearly from the air. You are perched on a bubble!"

As you can see, There_Monitor still wears that Adventure Quest t-shirt instead of the Big Eights shirt she has worn most of her life prior. I suppose change is inevitable. Nevertheless, she will always remain an icon of Big Eights for those of us who remember.

Jon Quixote was There!

Foul Play

Due to his lack of Internet at home, Net found himself in need of a middle man who could access his account and give a couple gifts to a friend for his birthday. Net has entrusted me with this task.

...he really shouldn't have.

Honest, I had every intention of leaving his account completely untouched, but then there was that nagging voice in my head telling me to be naughty.

As usual, goodness hardly put up a fight.

AppleBees even made a contribution to the insanity. But I couldn't stop there. I added a few small items to his inventory and then decided to set up a little experiment. I wanted to find out precisely how long an avatar could survive without air. Based on my results so far, things are not looking good for Net's avatar. Net had better get his Internet back real soon.

Awww, wookit dah cute widdle netwidah! Ain't he purdy?

Jon Quixote was There!

Mischief Night

Suicidal Therians from across the globe have been gathering in Zephyr for what looks to be one wild mischief night this year thanks, in no small part, to the antics of the ringleader of the occult Vashists. With the introduction of a new skill, the 2007 Trick or Treater, everyone is going wild trying to determine what makes their skill level increase and decrease. The current dominating theory revolves around the use of a paintgun--primarily, being pummeled by an avatar wielding one.


Shooting back is rumored to decrease your skill level and, oddly enough, taking a sip of some coffee appears to be responsible for many a "Dead Trick or Treater". I always knew coffee was a nasty habit.


Other theories revolve around hats, costumes, drinks, quantum space-time vortices, and even bare feet--Remember the old saying "Trick or treat, smell my feat, give me something good to eat..."? The only official news we have on the skill comes from Vash in the forums. He has informed us that there are a few pairs of Vash brand Goggles floating around which will have an impact on the skill. Holding on to them will cause the skill level to drop, while giving them away will cause it to increase. Could this be an honest attempt to foster a sharing mindset among Therians? Or is it just a tangible symbol of Vash's vanity? Are the goggles just another rare object being propagated by the staff? Are they the mark of the Vashist? How many are out there? And why don't I have a pair yet?!

Justin and I have been trying to make sense of all this absurdity, imagining connections where surely none exist, if only in a vain attempt to fool our minds into thinking the universe is symmetrical and all the square pegs fit very nicely inside all the matching square holes. To that end, we've discovered that giving 1 therebuck to someone seems to give you a 0.1 percent increase in your Trick or Treater skill. We've associated this with giving out tiny bite-sized treats to trick or treaters on Halloween--you know, the ones that only leave you starving for more candy. Justin also drew an interesting comparison between paintballing someone and egging their house on mischief night.

Trick or treat, indeed.

In any case, a Happy Halloween to all of you!

Jon Quixote was There!

More Disconnected Thoughts

For previous irrationally detached, disjointed, incohesive, or otherwise incoherent thoughts see:
Disconnected Thoughts

Is this proper table etiquette?

It takes a bit of practice, but once you get your feet wet you'll soon master such techniques as:

The backstroke

The Front Crawl

and Dead Man's Float

Or you can take a stab at the inverted dog paddle.

Look out! Psycho soccer mom in an SUV is late for her hair appointment!


It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.

Hey, uh, this thing has airbags, right?

schhhkt

Baker baker, one-four-niner, we've lost contact with Jon Quixote. Please advise Houston, over.

chhk

Today in the news: Second Life has issued one brand new ultra-high-end computer to each resident in order to ensure that bare minimum hardware requirements are met for a somewhat pleasing gaming experience. Between all the quad graphics cards, octa-core processors, and more memory than the combined capacity of every human brain (living and dead), all those computers require so much power that Second Life has opened up its very own nuclear power plant and has begun dumping its toxic waste into There's oceans.

Do not eat the fish.

Almost eighty percent of Therian mushrooms you come across in the wild are highly poisonous. The other twenty percent just totally %$#@! with your mind.


Your timelimit has been reached. Thank you for playing There! Take care now, bye-bye then.

...There are no fish in this pond, are there.

Jon Quixote was There!