Saturday, December 08, 2007

Foul Play

Due to his lack of Internet at home, Net found himself in need of a middle man who could access his account and give a couple gifts to a friend for his birthday. Net has entrusted me with this task.

...he really shouldn't have.

Honest, I had every intention of leaving his account completely untouched, but then there was that nagging voice in my head telling me to be naughty.

As usual, goodness hardly put up a fight.


AppleBees even made a contribution to the insanity. But I couldn't stop there. I added a few small items to his inventory and then decided to set up a little experiment. I wanted to find out precisely how long an avatar could survive without air. Based on my results so far, things are not looking good for Net's avatar. Net had better get his Internet back real soon.


Awww, wookit dah cute widdle netwidah! Ain't he purdy?


Jon Quixote was There!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mischief Night

Suicidal Therians from across the globe have been gathering in Zephyr for what looks to be one wild mischief night this year thanks, in no small part, to the antics of the ringleader of the occult Vashists. With the introduction of a new skill, the 2007 Trick or Treater, everyone is going wild trying to determine what makes their skill level increase and decrease. The current dominating theory revolves around the use of a paintgun--primarily, being pummeled by an avatar wielding one.


Shooting back is rumored to decrease your skill level and, oddly enough, taking a sip of some coffee appears to be responsible for many a "Dead Trick or Treater". I always knew coffee was a nasty habit.


Other theories revolve around hats, costumes, drinks, quantum space-time vortices, and even bare feet--Remember the old saying "Trick or treat, smell my feat, give me something good to eat..."? The only official news we have on the skill comes from Vash in the forums. He has informed us that there are a few pairs of Vash brand Goggles floating around which will have an impact on the skill. Holding on to them will cause the skill level to drop, while giving them away will cause it to increase. Could this be an honest attempt to foster a sharing mindset among Therians? Or is it just a tangible symbol of Vash's vanity? Are the goggles just another rare object being propagated by the staff? Are they the mark of the Vashist? How many are out there? And why don't I have a pair yet?!

Justin and I have been trying to make sense of all this absurdity, imagining connections where surely none exist, if only in a vain attempt to fool our minds into thinking the universe is symmetrical and all the square pegs fit very nicely inside all the matching square holes. To that end, we've discovered that giving 1 therebuck to someone seems to give you a 0.1 percent increase in your Trick or Treater skill. We've associated this with giving out tiny bite-sized treats to trick or treaters on Halloween--you know, the ones that only leave you starving for more candy. Justin also drew an interesting comparison between paintballing someone and egging their house on mischief night.

Trick or treat, indeed.

In any case, a Happy Halloween to all of you!



Jon Quixote was There!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

More Disconnected Thoughts

For previous irrationally detached, disjointed, incohesive, or otherwise incoherent thoughts see:
Disconnected Thoughts

Is this proper table etiquette?


It takes a bit of practice, but once you get your feet wet you'll soon master such techniques as:
The backstroke

The Front Crawl

and Dead Man's Float


Or you can take a stab at the inverted dog paddle.


Look out! Psycho soccer mom in an SUV is late for her hair appointment!


It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.


Hey, uh, this thing has airbags, right?


schhhkt
Baker baker, one-four-niner, we've lost contact with Jon Quixote. Please advise Houston, over.
chhk


Today in the news: Second Life has issued one brand new ultra-high-end computer to each resident in order to ensure that bare minimum hardware requirements are met for a somewhat pleasing gaming experience. Between all the quad graphics cards, octa-core processors, and more memory than the combined capacity of every human brain (living and dead), all those computers require so much power that Second Life has opened up its very own nuclear power plant and has begun dumping its toxic waste into There's oceans.
Do not eat the fish.


Almost eighty percent of Therian mushrooms you come across in the wild are highly poisonous. The other twenty percent just totally %$#@! with your mind.


Your timelimit has been reached. Thank you for playing There! Take care now, bye-bye then.


...There are no fish in this pond, are there.


Jon Quixote was There!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Blinky-in-a-Box

Last week, in Bedtime Story For Blinky, I wrote about how some unknown person had stripped Blinky of his forcefield and how Blinky, therefore, began to fall prey to every drunken buggy driver and cross-eyed paintballer out there on New Kansas. I also explained that:
At least a few good men--and women--have banded together to protect Mister Blinky from just such a fate. Now, we all know what it's like to fall victim to one of those nasty bubble traps; nobody enjoys being caged up that way. Putting myself in Blinky's shoes, I fear their solution is far from ideal but, considering the alternative, it may be necessary. Either they were to protect him, or let him fall victim to every griefer's bumper from here to Egypt and back until he was lost forever at sea.

It's a rare thing, but it would appear I have misjudged the character of Seg_Vio and oOVixenOo, the two owners of the Metropolis neighborhood. I was under the impression that they were protecting Blinky. In fact, Seg_Vio himself assured me that this was a less than perfect solution and that he wished there was another way. He told me how he sent e-mails to There Help asking if anybody could restore his forcefield, all to no avail. He seemed to express much regret over having to cage Blinky at all!

And I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Let me explain. This evening, I had a chat with Spiritus about Blinky's forcefield situation. Spiritus has always been able to fix problems such as this and he quite easily re-activated Blinky's forcefield. At that point, I threw my arms up in the air and rejoiced! Yay! The problem is solved! Blinky can once again roam free! I went to Seg_Vio with the good news and--wait, what? He wouldn't let Blinky go free!

Imagine that. Who woulda' thought? Chalk it up to human nature, I suppose. We all want that which we cannot have. Mr. Blinky is an anomaly in this world, a true gh0st in the machine. He never has and never will be possessed by anybody. Seg_Vio and oOVixenOo are just two more names on the long list of people who have tried to claim ownership of the poor guy. Remember Lenwa?

Of course, I did try to be as diplomatic as possible. I explained to them that Blinky no longer needed protection, that he was simply not meant to be caged up, and all I got in return were vague threats and rude remarks about my linguistic aptitude.

oovixenoo: why you want blinky removed from metro jon?

Jon_Quixote: Well, it was my understanding that you both put him there to protect him, right?

oovixenoo: listen
oovixenoo: its really not your concern at all
oovixenoo: we'll handle it

Jon_Quixote: I've gotten Spiritus to reactivate Blinky's forcefield. So there's no need for that anymore.

oovixenoo: so no more worrying about it for you ok?
oovixenoo: we'd appreciate if you'd just let us run our own business :D thanks
oovixenoo: we obviously enjoy having blinky in our hood
oovixenoo: and many ppl enjoy coming to see him there

Jon_Quixote: You see, now I have a problem with that. Because now he's trapped unnecessarily.

oovixenoo: jon, its' an avatar with no one behind it
oovixenoo: stop acting like its a dog or something
oovixenoo: just leave us be
oovixenoo: ty
oovixenoo: in other words
oovixenoo: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
[sic]

Ouch. A door in the face kind of 'ouch'. Never one to give up, however, I persisted in trying to understand their motives:

Jon_Quixote: Seg_Vio, do you have anything to say on the matter?

oovixenoo: he absolutely agrees with me
oovixenoo: sorry to break it to you
oovixenoo: but thats the way it is

Jon_Quixote: I guess I misjudged you folks.

oovixenoo: i guess we misjudged you HORRIBLY

Jon_Quixote: I was under the impression you were doing this to protect him.

oovixenoo: we are
oovixenoo: and we are enjoying him
oovixenoo: and letting masses enjoy him with events

Jon_Quixote: He no longer needs protection.

oovixenoo: jon
oovixenoo: mind your own business
oovixenoo: your life will be much happier for it i guarantee it
oovixenoo: i know ppl like you
oovixenoo: and trust me
oovixenoo: you'll be happier if you just mind your own business

Jon_Quixote: Are you threatening me?

oovixenoo: saying you'd be happier if you mind your own business is a threat???
oovixenoo: what language do you speak???
[sic]

I think I speak English, but Vixen has me uncertain of that fact now. I'll have to remember to double-check with the dictionary. Is anybody else out there getting bad vibes from her language? I, for one, picked up a rather threatening tone in Vixen's words.

I do understand that Seg_Vio and Vixen enjoy having Blinky in their neighborhood. After all, who wouldn't enjoy having a Therian icon standing in the middle of their land? But what you have to understand is that not everybody likes seeing Mr. Blinky in that neighborhood, as Seg_Vio and Vixen would have you believe. After speaking with Spiritus, I have come to understand that many people have personally asked him to remove Blinky from the neighborhood. Spiritus, being the fine upstanding gentleman that he is, does not want to take any action until he feels it is completely justified. He was not yet prepared to remove Blinky. However, he was also previously unaware of the fact that Blinky's forcefield had been removed. Now that he knows, I'm sure Spiritus will be keeping a closer eye on our dear friend Mr. Blinky.

A question to ponder: In light of recent events, can I continue to believe Seg_Vio when he told me that he was not responsible for removing Blinky's forcefield? I would sincerely like to believe that he and Vixen were being honest with me but, after the way they reacted to my request to free Blinky, I am no longer so certain. I am also unsure as to whether or not Seg_Vio really did e-mail There Help in order to request his forcefield be reactivated.

Furthermore, remember that clear box Blinky was enclosed in?
Seg_Vio even promised he'd see what he could do about improving the view from within the protective polycarbonate box.

If this is what is known as "improving the view", then I guess I do need to take a night course in the English language:

That black box is Blinky's current domicile.

Seg_Vio and Vixen repeatedly asked me to mind my own business. This also implies that they would prefer I shut my mouth and left Blinky in their hands. I would never even dream of trying to tell them how to run their neighborhood. After all, they do pay money for it. That neighborhood is their property and may, therefore, be governed however they like. But what about Mr. Blinky? From an ethical standpoint, is it appropriate for them to trap an individual that many people care about and then claim exclusive rights to that individual? Of course, can we even apply human ethics to an inanimate object? Everyone I have ever met standing beside Mr. Blinky personifies him, so I would argue that, in this case, we can. He does, after all, even appear to have his own personality hidden away behind that white visage. Just look into those perpetually sad eyes of his and tell me you don't feel his pain.

I will, as Seg_Vio and Vixen requested, leave them be. You will not find me disturbing their neighborhood nor rallying troops in Blinky's defense. I leave that to more capable and intrepid souls. I will, however, remind everyone that Mr. Blinky has escaped such subjugation before and I have every confidence that he will find his way out this time.


Jon Quixote was There!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

T0ast in the Machine

Why does everyone keep inquiring about t0ast in the machine? What's the sudden fascination with t0ast?! I'm told it's the most popular thing to hit the streets of There since sliced bread. People, it is sliced bread! Come on now, I mean, it's just a breakfast food! Please, I beg you, stop asking me about t0ast in the machine!! I'm clueless here, honest!

...I prefer biscuits anyway.


Jon Quixote was There!

Bedtime Story For Blinky

It may not exactly be breaking news but, in my negligence, I had failed to notice that Mr. Blinky's forcefield had been removed several months ago. As you can imagine, this came as quite a shock to me, being good friends with ol' Blinky. Justin and I set out across beautiful Kansas to locate him.


During our flight, we had time to ponder the following questions: Who would want to do such a horrible thing to a poor defenseless avatar like Blinky? Why would they want to strip him of his last protective barrier against griefers, who make a living out of such things, and Vashists, who just can't stand to see any other icon held in favor over their own? I can think of a few possible methods for accomplishing such a devious feat, but the biggest question here remains: Why?

Poor old Blinky, he'd never hurt a fly! Sure, he might make you blink in and out of existence every now and again, but it was all in good fun. He never meant anything by it! And you always walked away completely unscathed. Well, sure, okay, maybe a few avatars over the years have reported one or two missing pixels, but generally such side effects are mild, extremely uncommon, and almost always worth the risk. Besides, what's a few pixels between good friends, right?

But now, without his forcefield, is poor old Mister Blinky facing the same fate as the original Credit Cube? Is he doomed to spend an eternity being bounced around the islands with his face skidding in the mud like some kind of old, rejected rag doll? Is that how we treat our icons in this world? Is that how we treat our friends in this world?

At least a few good men--and women--have banded together to protect Mister Blinky from just such a fate. Now, we all know what it's like to fall victim to one of those nasty bubble traps; nobody enjoys being caged up that way. Putting myself in Blinky's shoes, I fear their solution is far from ideal but, considering the alternative, it may be necessary. Either they were to protect him, or let him fall victim to every griefer's bumper from here to Egypt and back until he was lost forever at sea.

Having chosen the lesser of the two evils, poor Blinky was rounded up, placed in a protected neighborhood lot, and shielded from stray paintballs, drunken buggy drivers, flying boards which have misplaced their owner, spilled Flaming Bananas, and the like. I spoke with Seg_Vio and his friends, those responsible for Blinky's protection, and found that they are doing everything possible to ensure Blinky's complete comfort during his stay in protective custody. He has been provided with a laptop and a highspeed connection to There so he can entertain himself, an endless supply of coffee for all those late nights riding around in his Groovy Buggy, and a comfortable desk to sit at. And, although he is completely enclosed within a protective, paintball-resistant, UV-filtering, lag-dampening, polycarbonate box, Seg_Vio ensures me that he has adequate ventilation in there.


Justin and I spent a good deal of time with Blinky making sure all his needs were being met. Seg_Vio even promised he'd see what he could do about improving the view from within the protective polycarbonate box. Justin read Blinky a bedtime story to cheer him up, left him a bag of chips and a few bandages for all his bumps and bruises, I left him another bottle of SPF-10,000 just in case, and we each said our goodnights in turn.

Goodnight, Mister Blinky. Keep your chin up! We'll find a better solution soon enough. And watch out for that dog, he looks nasty.


Jon Quixote was There!

Edit: This entry has been updated. Please see Blinky-in-a-Box for more information.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hunt for There_Monitor 9/22/07

Oh no! There_Monitor has misplaced her Big Eights t-shirt! Who would steal such a priceless possession right off of her back like that! At least she was left with a replacement shirt so she's not running around out there in her skivvies. While it's not half as unique, nor does it come packaged with half the history of her prior shirt, she still wears it with the same nonchalance she's always worn--Same old There_Monitor.

But who knows, maybe she simply decided it was time to wash that smelly old t-shirt of hers.

From the journal of There_Monitor...

Even in the night, I could easily see my surroundings. From my mountain top I could make out the glow of a village to the north, and to the east the moonlight cast its glow on some plants below. ... Or did they have a glow of their own?



Jon Quixote was There!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I Wanna Roll With the Gangstas...


...but so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy.


Jon Quixote was There!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Windmills, Part I

Why windmills, you may ask?
I don't know, I just think they're cool.
...
It seemed like a good idea at the time.












Jon Quixote was There!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hunt for There_Monitor 6/23/07

This hunt sure gave me a run for my money. I knew where she had to be, based on the clue, but finding her there was another story entirely.
From the journal of There_Monitor

I found myself on what, after some inspection, appeared to be the edge of a large body of land. Due east of me, the haze all but obscured a tall mountain.



Jon Quixote was There!

Net Finds a New Hobby

Net, you are one sick and twisted human being.


Jon Quixote was (reluctantly) There!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tropical Adventures

While it may not be the latest news to most of you, yesterday was the first time I set foot on the new island of Kiani. I can't tell you how many times I've bugged Chaz--jokingly, of course--about animating those rides he had set out in Caldera's desert. Well, he's outdone himself yet again, folks. He even added a few new rides, some of my personal favorites! And then there are those lively parrots at the entrance! Eye candy follows but, believe you me: these screenshots just don't do it justice. To really appreciate Chaz' handiwork, you just have to visit the island yourself! It's located just southeast of Nada.

The first thing to notice when you visit the island is that it is an ongoing project. This construction permit is conspicuously displayed at the entryway.

Be sure to read the fine print, and then it's off to the main attraction!

These little lively parrots welcome you to the park. They breathe, move about, and even dance! Oh, did you try talking to them?

The first ride you'll notice, towering over the horizon, is the ferris wheel. Go on, check it out!


What a view!

Then, go for a spin on one of my all-time favorite rides, the scrambler!

Hey, look! There's a newbie trying to be friendly while our brains are getting scrambled.

But, wait, what's that ride over there? Can it be?

A quick height check at the tiki guy and I'm ready for one of my favorite rides ever: the pirate ship!



The last ride on the island was some kind of spinning tilted cup thing and, to be honest, I don't think I'm old enough for this ride. The Tiki guy agreed and so I passed on this one for now.

Taking a look at the island in aerial view, you can see several other pockets in the sand which look like reserved parking for future rides.

One of the more intriguing of those spots is this giant sand box at one end of the island. Can anyone say: roller coaster? Water slide?

Sadly, all good things must come to an end. Sooner or later, you will have to leave this little paradise island. But fear not my friend, for this island will still be here tomorrow for your enjoyment! So, until then:


Jon Quixote was There!