Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mischief Night

Suicidal Therians from across the globe have been gathering in Zephyr for what looks to be one wild mischief night this year thanks, in no small part, to the antics of the ringleader of the occult Vashists. With the introduction of a new skill, the 2007 Trick or Treater, everyone is going wild trying to determine what makes their skill level increase and decrease. The current dominating theory revolves around the use of a paintgun--primarily, being pummeled by an avatar wielding one.


Shooting back is rumored to decrease your skill level and, oddly enough, taking a sip of some coffee appears to be responsible for many a "Dead Trick or Treater". I always knew coffee was a nasty habit.


Other theories revolve around hats, costumes, drinks, quantum space-time vortices, and even bare feet--Remember the old saying "Trick or treat, smell my feat, give me something good to eat..."? The only official news we have on the skill comes from Vash in the forums. He has informed us that there are a few pairs of Vash brand Goggles floating around which will have an impact on the skill. Holding on to them will cause the skill level to drop, while giving them away will cause it to increase. Could this be an honest attempt to foster a sharing mindset among Therians? Or is it just a tangible symbol of Vash's vanity? Are the goggles just another rare object being propagated by the staff? Are they the mark of the Vashist? How many are out there? And why don't I have a pair yet?!

Justin and I have been trying to make sense of all this absurdity, imagining connections where surely none exist, if only in a vain attempt to fool our minds into thinking the universe is symmetrical and all the square pegs fit very nicely inside all the matching square holes. To that end, we've discovered that giving 1 therebuck to someone seems to give you a 0.1 percent increase in your Trick or Treater skill. We've associated this with giving out tiny bite-sized treats to trick or treaters on Halloween--you know, the ones that only leave you starving for more candy. Justin also drew an interesting comparison between paintballing someone and egging their house on mischief night.

Trick or treat, indeed.

In any case, a Happy Halloween to all of you!



Jon Quixote was There!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

More Disconnected Thoughts

For previous irrationally detached, disjointed, incohesive, or otherwise incoherent thoughts see:
Disconnected Thoughts

Is this proper table etiquette?


It takes a bit of practice, but once you get your feet wet you'll soon master such techniques as:
The backstroke

The Front Crawl

and Dead Man's Float


Or you can take a stab at the inverted dog paddle.


Look out! Psycho soccer mom in an SUV is late for her hair appointment!


It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.


Hey, uh, this thing has airbags, right?


schhhkt
Baker baker, one-four-niner, we've lost contact with Jon Quixote. Please advise Houston, over.
chhk


Today in the news: Second Life has issued one brand new ultra-high-end computer to each resident in order to ensure that bare minimum hardware requirements are met for a somewhat pleasing gaming experience. Between all the quad graphics cards, octa-core processors, and more memory than the combined capacity of every human brain (living and dead), all those computers require so much power that Second Life has opened up its very own nuclear power plant and has begun dumping its toxic waste into There's oceans.
Do not eat the fish.


Almost eighty percent of Therian mushrooms you come across in the wild are highly poisonous. The other twenty percent just totally %$#@! with your mind.


Your timelimit has been reached. Thank you for playing There! Take care now, bye-bye then.


...There are no fish in this pond, are there.


Jon Quixote was There!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Blinky-in-a-Box

Last week, in Bedtime Story For Blinky, I wrote about how some unknown person had stripped Blinky of his forcefield and how Blinky, therefore, began to fall prey to every drunken buggy driver and cross-eyed paintballer out there on New Kansas. I also explained that:
At least a few good men--and women--have banded together to protect Mister Blinky from just such a fate. Now, we all know what it's like to fall victim to one of those nasty bubble traps; nobody enjoys being caged up that way. Putting myself in Blinky's shoes, I fear their solution is far from ideal but, considering the alternative, it may be necessary. Either they were to protect him, or let him fall victim to every griefer's bumper from here to Egypt and back until he was lost forever at sea.

It's a rare thing, but it would appear I have misjudged the character of Seg_Vio and oOVixenOo, the two owners of the Metropolis neighborhood. I was under the impression that they were protecting Blinky. In fact, Seg_Vio himself assured me that this was a less than perfect solution and that he wished there was another way. He told me how he sent e-mails to There Help asking if anybody could restore his forcefield, all to no avail. He seemed to express much regret over having to cage Blinky at all!

And I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Let me explain. This evening, I had a chat with Spiritus about Blinky's forcefield situation. Spiritus has always been able to fix problems such as this and he quite easily re-activated Blinky's forcefield. At that point, I threw my arms up in the air and rejoiced! Yay! The problem is solved! Blinky can once again roam free! I went to Seg_Vio with the good news and--wait, what? He wouldn't let Blinky go free!

Imagine that. Who woulda' thought? Chalk it up to human nature, I suppose. We all want that which we cannot have. Mr. Blinky is an anomaly in this world, a true gh0st in the machine. He never has and never will be possessed by anybody. Seg_Vio and oOVixenOo are just two more names on the long list of people who have tried to claim ownership of the poor guy. Remember Lenwa?

Of course, I did try to be as diplomatic as possible. I explained to them that Blinky no longer needed protection, that he was simply not meant to be caged up, and all I got in return were vague threats and rude remarks about my linguistic aptitude.

oovixenoo: why you want blinky removed from metro jon?

Jon_Quixote: Well, it was my understanding that you both put him there to protect him, right?

oovixenoo: listen
oovixenoo: its really not your concern at all
oovixenoo: we'll handle it

Jon_Quixote: I've gotten Spiritus to reactivate Blinky's forcefield. So there's no need for that anymore.

oovixenoo: so no more worrying about it for you ok?
oovixenoo: we'd appreciate if you'd just let us run our own business :D thanks
oovixenoo: we obviously enjoy having blinky in our hood
oovixenoo: and many ppl enjoy coming to see him there

Jon_Quixote: You see, now I have a problem with that. Because now he's trapped unnecessarily.

oovixenoo: jon, its' an avatar with no one behind it
oovixenoo: stop acting like its a dog or something
oovixenoo: just leave us be
oovixenoo: ty
oovixenoo: in other words
oovixenoo: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
[sic]

Ouch. A door in the face kind of 'ouch'. Never one to give up, however, I persisted in trying to understand their motives:

Jon_Quixote: Seg_Vio, do you have anything to say on the matter?

oovixenoo: he absolutely agrees with me
oovixenoo: sorry to break it to you
oovixenoo: but thats the way it is

Jon_Quixote: I guess I misjudged you folks.

oovixenoo: i guess we misjudged you HORRIBLY

Jon_Quixote: I was under the impression you were doing this to protect him.

oovixenoo: we are
oovixenoo: and we are enjoying him
oovixenoo: and letting masses enjoy him with events

Jon_Quixote: He no longer needs protection.

oovixenoo: jon
oovixenoo: mind your own business
oovixenoo: your life will be much happier for it i guarantee it
oovixenoo: i know ppl like you
oovixenoo: and trust me
oovixenoo: you'll be happier if you just mind your own business

Jon_Quixote: Are you threatening me?

oovixenoo: saying you'd be happier if you mind your own business is a threat???
oovixenoo: what language do you speak???
[sic]

I think I speak English, but Vixen has me uncertain of that fact now. I'll have to remember to double-check with the dictionary. Is anybody else out there getting bad vibes from her language? I, for one, picked up a rather threatening tone in Vixen's words.

I do understand that Seg_Vio and Vixen enjoy having Blinky in their neighborhood. After all, who wouldn't enjoy having a Therian icon standing in the middle of their land? But what you have to understand is that not everybody likes seeing Mr. Blinky in that neighborhood, as Seg_Vio and Vixen would have you believe. After speaking with Spiritus, I have come to understand that many people have personally asked him to remove Blinky from the neighborhood. Spiritus, being the fine upstanding gentleman that he is, does not want to take any action until he feels it is completely justified. He was not yet prepared to remove Blinky. However, he was also previously unaware of the fact that Blinky's forcefield had been removed. Now that he knows, I'm sure Spiritus will be keeping a closer eye on our dear friend Mr. Blinky.

A question to ponder: In light of recent events, can I continue to believe Seg_Vio when he told me that he was not responsible for removing Blinky's forcefield? I would sincerely like to believe that he and Vixen were being honest with me but, after the way they reacted to my request to free Blinky, I am no longer so certain. I am also unsure as to whether or not Seg_Vio really did e-mail There Help in order to request his forcefield be reactivated.

Furthermore, remember that clear box Blinky was enclosed in?
Seg_Vio even promised he'd see what he could do about improving the view from within the protective polycarbonate box.

If this is what is known as "improving the view", then I guess I do need to take a night course in the English language:

That black box is Blinky's current domicile.

Seg_Vio and Vixen repeatedly asked me to mind my own business. This also implies that they would prefer I shut my mouth and left Blinky in their hands. I would never even dream of trying to tell them how to run their neighborhood. After all, they do pay money for it. That neighborhood is their property and may, therefore, be governed however they like. But what about Mr. Blinky? From an ethical standpoint, is it appropriate for them to trap an individual that many people care about and then claim exclusive rights to that individual? Of course, can we even apply human ethics to an inanimate object? Everyone I have ever met standing beside Mr. Blinky personifies him, so I would argue that, in this case, we can. He does, after all, even appear to have his own personality hidden away behind that white visage. Just look into those perpetually sad eyes of his and tell me you don't feel his pain.

I will, as Seg_Vio and Vixen requested, leave them be. You will not find me disturbing their neighborhood nor rallying troops in Blinky's defense. I leave that to more capable and intrepid souls. I will, however, remind everyone that Mr. Blinky has escaped such subjugation before and I have every confidence that he will find his way out this time.


Jon Quixote was There!